Eloquent and heartfelt, I thought it deserved to be shared. Thank you, Goddess of Java.
Squishy – A beloved pet!
Posted in Squishy with tags Squishy on November 8, 2008 by S. L.I fondly refer to my partner as my Squishy as he’s a bit overweight but it’s part of the reason why he’s so cuddly and lovable. I’ve had partners in the past who were skinny and all elbows and knees and it didn’t really work out for me in the physical attraction department.
My Squishy is unsure of his place in the BDSM community. We’ve been working together and having a lot of discussions based on how we both view subs and what it means to be a “proper” bottom. My understanding is that his insecurities are based off the fact that he doesn’t compare to the attitudes presented by many of the female subs we know/know of/whose blogs we read. Often the “proper” bottom or sub is depicted as an intensely sexual creature who so wrapped up in their top or owner that they don’t have a good look at what’s going on around them. Now I know this is highly unrealistic but I don’t think Squishy has been able to move beyond this image that’s portrayed by the porn industry and “twue” BDSM enthusiasts.
What I’ve been making an effort to do is find out why he feels the way he does and educate him. I think it would be best to immerse him within the community and culture where there are good role models for him to observe. It is, however, difficult to do this because we live in two different states. (I moved from up north to the south of the US and before Squishy and I had been living together in a mostly vanilla-esque relationship.) We’ve made progress in that he views the behaviors of a “gentleman” to be proper and right for a submissive partner. Therefore I’ve been encouraging him to implement these behaviors into his daily life and assigning reading and writing tasks to further enforce this mindset.
I personally feel like we’ve made a lot of good progress and I’m thrilled about the open communication that’s been going on. As much as I miss my Squishy, I think the time and space apart has been a great asset for our relationship. It’s given us the space we needed to be able to express our needs and desires a little more clearly so I want to find a way to keep this momentum going when we live together again. The idea I had about maintaining personal space (separate bedrooms and/or offices/studies were two ideas) is the most viable in my opinion. What bothered me the most was our social circle calling him my shadow up north and I hope to break that down here.
I think I want to write about the ideal home for us – the poly/Victorian/reversed 1950′s household – in the next post once I have my thoughts a little more organized.
Cherry Popper
Posted in Uncategorized with tags introductory post on November 7, 2008 by S. L.Well now!
You probably want an explanation of what I’m doing and what this blog is about. I don’t blame you since I would too. Who wants to read about shaving llamas when you’re really more interested in shaving that nice male sub’s balls? Or perhaps as apart of your new female sub’s training you’re having her lovely, bouncing curls sheared off. In that case, the entry on shaving llamas, or even sheep, would be useful to you, I suppose.. but not the point I’m trying to make!
You may refer to me as S.L. and I am a younger member of the BDSM lifestyle living somewhere in the south/south-east area of the United States. In this blog I’ll be sharing my personal thoughts and experiences relating to BDSM and the community. I’ve been a personal blogger for many years now where I recapped the tales and misadventures of my pre-teen and teenage years to the delight of my online friends and lately I’ve been wanting to share the joys and sorrows of my life with a crowd a little more accustomed to my topic. While many of my friends are certainly open minded or kink tolerant/friendly, it’s not the same as writing for people who know exactly what a TENS unit is used for.
For those who are curious, I do have a committed life partner who at the moment is playing the role of bottom to me. We’re very much both switches and enjoy the dynamic but for several months now we have been fulfilling the roles of Domme and sub.
I’m considering scheduled updates and postings similar to that of my favorite webcomic artists. Let me know if you vote yay or nay on this idea!
With warm regards,
S.L.
